Leon: A Brief History of Questionable Assets

By Coach B

Nobody knows exactly where Leon came from. Louisiana, certainly. Somewhere near Thibodaux, depending on which version you're getting. His birth certificate reportedly just says Leon.

No last name. No middle name.

Leon spent most of his adult life as a professional wrestler. Not a jobber. A curtain jerker. Every territory had one, and apparently every territory had Leon. If you've worked in professional wrestling long enough, you've met him. Whether you enjoyed the experience is a separate conversation.

He's also been present for several important moments in wrestling history, although rarely in an official capacity.

Remember the Shockmaster falling through the wall? Leon reportedly installed the board Fred Ottman tripped over. He was trying to help.

Remember Roddy Piper walking to the ring at WrestleMania III instead of riding one of those motorized carts? Leon had apparently been dared to do 40 donuts in one.

He made 38 before vomiting.

"Lost money, fellas. Lost money."

Leon is no longer welcome at WWE facilities. He maintains there was a misunderstanding.

These days, Leon's principal occupation is antiquing.

His retirement portfolio includes a Fabulous Moolah Charbroil grill, Buddy Landell's pruning shears, and a remarkable collection of wrestling-related household equipment.

Authentication is straightforward. You need A Guy who vouches for the item. Leon evaluates the man's name and goes with his gut.

He once passed on Tony Atlas cookware because the seller was named Lynn.

Leon could immediately tell something was wrong.

He has standards.

The Landell pruning shears are available for $45. Leon understands you'd prefer $40. He'd prefer plenty of things for $40.

Unfortunately, the shears don't care what you'd like.

Other possessions are priceless.

Take Bruno Sammartino's steak knives, for example. Leon considers them a family heirloom, although he isn't related to Bruno, and technically there aren't any knives.

It's just the wooden block.

The knives weren't included when he bought it.

Please don't ask what it's worth.

Leon briefly considered buying a house. Unfortunately, he didn't realize credit scores were supposed to have three digits. When the loan officer requested collateral, Leon produced 108 pages of valuables, including the Moolah grill and Bruno's knife block.

The gentleman thought he was joking.

Leon stared at him patiently, nodded, and said, "Shalom."

Leon isn't Jewish. Nobody is entirely certain he understands what Shalom means.

The mortgage was declined.

Leon took the news reasonably well. Besides, he'd recently learned that the Iron Sheik owned cookware allegedly used to prepare dinner for the Original Sheik.

Both Sheiks.

One set of cookware.

You cannot put a price on that.

For the love of God, don't ask about the timeline.

Leon will listen. He's a kind man. He's also genuinely concerned that you cannot recognize the significance of two Sheiks eating dinner.

Incidentally, if Leon ever asks to keep your fork after a meal, understand that it may eventually appear for sale.

A plastic fork used by Ron Simmons was recently listed for $23.

Leon wouldn't charge metal-fork prices.

He's not a crook.