By Coach B

1992 Smoky Mountain Wrestling, Episode 7

0:00 - Oh, early ’90s, I miss the shit out of you.

I said horrible production value, but then I remembered this was pre-internet. Let’s upgrade it to “bless your heart.”

This was good work for the period.

1:04 - Bob Caudle seems like a nice man. He’d offer you some rhubarb candy and probably not do anything weird to you while you’re asleep.

Probably.

Also, while Dutch Mantel is talking here, watch Carl Styles. He seems terrified, high, or both.

I am already glad he is here.

Hector Guerrero vs. T.J. Travis

1:36 - Doesn’t a plain black wrestling singlet feel like a bold choice from T.J. Travis?

Kurt Angle, Bob Backlund, Shelton Benjamin, I get it.

But a skinny-fat jobber with a mullet and no tan?

“I need to draw as much attention to my worst physical characteristics as possible, but how...?"

4:35 - Hector is the cool uncle, which is an accomplishment because there were a lot of Guerreros in professional wrestling.

I started to do research, saw how many members of the Guerrero family there were, and frankly, it seemed like too much work to continue.

Either way, Uncle Hector would buy you a beer but institute a six-pack surcharge on every case.

He’s tough but fair.

Also, he’s still alive.

Nice to see.

6:55 - Yup, Dutch Mantel referred to Hector’s finishing maneuver as the “jalapeño roll.”

Just needed to double-check.

It was a different time.

Get well soon, Dutch. Love that guy.

Nitro Danny Davis Promo

7:16 - Nitro Danny Davis!

I know it was 1992 and all, but there was way more purple than I remember.

This promo is jarring because I remember being SO angry at Danny Davis in the WWF. The evil-referee gimmick was over huge with me.

That bastard cheated.

It wasn’t fair.

Then I find out this is a completely different Danny Davis. Not another evil referee. Not even referee-adjacent.

• Just two wrestling guys with the same deeply unfortunate name, and somehow neither one had the courage to step aside and become Taint Powers. Missed opportunity.

7:32 - “Nitro Danny Davis is gonna EXPLODE all over you!”

5.2/10 - Just for making it unnecessarily filthy.

The Fantastics Promo

8:12 - Ribera Steakhouse jacket!

My wrestling knowledge is littered with partial memories from shitty WWF biographies I read as a kid, but the legend of the Ribera Steakhouse is real.

It was THE jacket to have for a professional wrestler. A status symbol in the realm of Members Only and Starter.

You know, the classy shit.

Still, I want one.

8:22 - The Fantastics REALLY want to let you, let them, tell you something.

I am super confused by this and stoned. I will revisit them later to see if they make any more sense at a more sober moment.

Edit: They did not.

6.1/10 - Objectively, a screaming taco shits-level promo from The Fantastics. But with those magnificent dyed-blond cracker mullets and the Ribera jacket, I can’t hate it.

Rocky Patterson, Reno Riggins & Ben Jordan vs. Jimmy Golden, Ivan Koloff & Vladimir Koloff

9:12 - Wait, what the hell?

The first three names checked out in my mind.

“Yup, those three moose knuckles belong together.”

But the last trio is a fun one.

First, good on Cornette for getting some recognizable names in the Koloffs for the new promotion.

I imagine Jimmy Golden was just hanging out backstage and somebody said, “Jimmy, wanna do that cool-ass dropkick? Yeah? Get your ass in there with the Russians.”

10:12 - Good action.

Do you think Rocky Patterson and T.J. Travis shared a smedium singlet to save on expenses?

Me too.

11:31 - “Is everybody quick to you, Bob?”

This effing killed me.

Jesus, Dutch is great on commentary. Excellent smart-ass heel.

13:26 - First, is Jimmy Golden super tall, or is the ceiling eight feet high?

That was a very solid television match. No one crashed through a damn table, but I liked it.

7.2/10 - First bummer of the night: I looked it up and learned Vladimir Koloff isn’t Russian.

I guess I assumed he wasn’t a real Russian, but finding out his name is Carl was still a sobering moment.

Jimmy Golden, Ivan Koloff & Vladimir Koloff Promo

14:08 - Jimmy Golden also wants to “let you let him tell you something.”

I need a counter.

Other than that, it was the cliché promo you would expect from two “Russians” and a guy from Bucksnort, Tennessee.

Bob Armstrong / Ron Wright Promo

19:30 - It’s early, but I am here for all things Ron Wright and Bob Armstrong.

I have to admit, I spent most of the promo looking at Bob Armstrong’s face. I had heard the story about him accidentally dropping a barbell on his face parts and “flattening” everything out.

He looked kind of normal to me.

As for Ron Wright, you can tell this guy was a heat magnet in his day. Hell, you can see it in this video.

I like how the promo lays out the history between the two and the lack of trust. It’s simple but effective.

Doesn’t seem that hard, no?

Wright is also doing the “I need surgery” heel routine, which creates the exact kind of emotional confusion wrestling specializes in.

Am I supposed to boo the old man with medical bills?

Apparently, yes.

That is the job.

The people of 1992 understood the assignment better than we do.

Dirty White Boy vs. Rikki Nelson

21:00 - Dirty White Boy looks like he was gathered from the local tavern with a pint glass of Busch Light still in his hand.

But those drunk bar guys are always tough, crazy, or both.

Was Rikki Nelson meant to be a play on the singer from the 1960s? Bold choice.

Turns out his real name is Rick Nelson, so I guess he gets to claim it too.

23:00 - Jesus, T.L. Hopper was a terrible gimmick for The Dirty White Boy.

You have to imagine any gimmick after being a goddamn plumber would have been an immediate yes from him.

Wait.

Just realized this was before T.L. Hopper.

Even sadder.

If only we could have warned him.

Ron Wright / Dirty White Boy Promo

25:13 - Ron Wright also wants to “let you let him tell you something.”

I think I am at seven, just over the halfway point.

Do they have a quota to meet?

Was it like calling someone “dude”? Or the modern overuse of “like”?

I’m no longer annoyed. I am utterly fascinated.

The Dirty White Boy is also a very good promo.

Thoughts and prayers to Mr. Wright and his much-needed surgeries, which I assume were either very real, completely fake, or somehow both because wrestling is a haunted carnival run by liars with great timing.

Hollywood Bob Holly Promo

27:02 - No need to listen to this promo, but it is worth pausing to glare at the most ’90s attire known to history.

• Mullet? Yes.

• Neon pink? For sure.

• Sunglasses indoors? Bet your ass.

• Skinny gold chain? Naturally.

Jerry Lynn vs. Killer Kyle

28:09 - I’m unfamiliar with Killer Kyle outside of Cornette referencing him in shoot interviews and podcasts.

I see the Big Bubba Rogers influence.

Side note: Big Bubba, later Big Boss Man, is another guy I didn’t appreciate until much later in life.

That has nothing to do with this match. Ray Traylor was badass. 

Terry “Bam Bam” Gordy Promo

32:34 - This is excellent.

It has been too long since I watched a classic Freebirds match. One of the ones without Jimmy Garvin, obviously.

As the promo ended, I looked up an interview with Bam Bam after his stroke in 1993, and it put a serious harsh on the buzz.

That is the problem with watching old wrestling.

One minute you’re enjoying a large, violent man yelling into a camera. The next minute history walks in and reminds you that your heroes had necks, arteries, and terrible doctors.

Anyway, Gordy was awesome here.

Rip Rogers vs. Tim Horner

34:40 - Tons of talent on display here.

And Tim Horner.

I knew Rip Rogers as a trainer and knew he had wrestled, but the dude has a ton of charisma and can go.

As for Horner, does he know the camera is on?

The least believable part of this match is Tim Horner having $500 cash.

It’s difficult to pick one Dutch Mantel moment on commentary, but he goes hard in the paint on an old woman in the crowd:

“Some of these women are so ugly, they couldn’t even make the biker magazines!”

I would be accurately accused of kissing Jim Cornette’s ass, but he deserves a lot of credit for bringing talented guys into a relatively small wrestling promotion.

As fun as it is to shit on Tim Horner, he is not a bad wrestler.

With that said, he won this match with the emotion of a Frisbee.

End-of-Episode Promo: Jim Cornette / Bob Armstrong

47:10 - Cornette briefly appears to say he will reveal his “mystery team” next week.

Fun cliffhanger for the next episode.

And if that wasn’t enough, we also get another Jimmy Golden and Koloffs match.

Overall: 7.5/10

This was a good episode of classic wrestling.

• Solid matches.

• Some cringe promos.

• Storytelling that made sense.

• Dutch Mantel being better than everyone else on commentary.

Thanks for letting me let you let me tell you something.