High On: Smoky Mountain Wrestling - 3/14/1992
by Coach B
Smoky Mountain Wrestling seemed like an ideal place to start. Solid wrestling, mostly believable storytelling, horrible production value, and small southern crowds cheering their hearts out. Jim Cornette, while not for everyone, entertains me to no end. I picked this episode because the beginning felt boring, and episode seven makes it sound like I’ve done this before.
1992 Smoky Mountain Wrestling - Episode 7
0:00 - Oh early 90s, I miss the shit out of you. I said horrible production value earlier, but I just remembered this was pre-internet. Let’s upgrade it to “Bless your heart.” This was good work for the period.
1:04 - Bob Caudle seems like a nice man. He’d offer you some rhubarb candy and probably not do anything weird to you while you’re asleep. Probably.
Also, while Dutch Mantell is talking here, just watch Carl Styles. He seems terrified, high, or both. I am already glad he is here.
Hector Guerrero vs. T.J. Travis
1:36 - 1:46 - Doesn’t a plain black wrestling singlet feel like a bold choice from T.J. Travis? Kurt Angle, Bob Backlund, Shelton Benjamin, I get it. But skinny/fat jobber with a mullet and no tan?
“I need to draw as much attention to my worst physical characteristics, but how? I’ve got it.”
Hector Guerrero! Alright. Not sure if it’s clear what his ethnic background is. I wish Hector would give us a few clues.
4:35 - Hector is the cool uncle, which is an accomplishment because there were a lot of Guerreros in pro wrestling. I started to do research, saw how many members of the Guerrero family there were, and frankly, it seemed like too much work to keep going.
Either way, Hector would buy you a beer but always institute a six-pack surcharge on every case. He’s tough but fair. Also, he’s still alive. Nice to see.
6:26 - The ring is REALLY loud. Kicking in now.
6:55 - Yup, Dutch Mantell referred to Hector’s finishing maneuver as the “jalapeno roll.” Just needed to double-check. It was a different time.
Get well soon, Dutch. Love that guy.
Nitro Danny Davis Promo
7:16 - Nitro Danny Davis! I know it was 1992 and all, but there was way more purple than I remember. This promo is kind of jarring for me because I remember being SO angry at this knob in the WWF. The evil referee gimmick was over big time with me. That bastard cheated. It wasn’t fair.Then come to find out, totally different Danny Davis. It’s not even another evil referee gimmick. I feel like someone could have stepped up and become Taint Powers here.
Granted, I was a pretty dumb kid.
7:32 - “Nitro Danny Davis is gonna EXPLODE all over you!”
5.2/10 just for making it unnecessarily filthy.
Fantastics Promo
8:12 - Ribera Steakhouse jacket! My wrestling knowledge is littered with partial memories from shitty WWF biographies I read as a kid. But the legend of the Ribera Steakhouse is real. It was THE jacket to have for a pro wrestler. It was a status symbol in the realm of Members Only and Starter. You know, the classy shit.
Still, I want one.
8:22 - The Fantastics REALLY want to let you, let them, tell you something. I am super confused by this and stoned. I will revisit them later to see if they make any more sense at a more sober moment.
Edit: They did not.
6.1/10: Objectively, a screaming taco shits-level promo from the Fantastics. But with those magnificent dyed blond cracker mullets, and the jacket, I can’t hate it.
Rocky Patterson, Reno Riggins & Ben Jordan vs. Jimmy Golden, Ivan Koloff & Vladimir Koloff
9:12 - Wait, what the hell? The first three names checked out in my mind. “Yup, those three moose knuckles belong together.” But the last trio is a fun one.
First, good on Cornette for getting some names in the Koloffs for the new promotion. I imagine Jimmy Golden was just hanging out backstage and they said, “Jimmy, wanna do that cool-ass dropkick? Yeah? Get your ass in there with the Russians.”
10:12 - Good action. Do you think Rocky Patterson and T.J. Travis shared a smedium singlet to save on expenses?
Me too.
11:31 - “Is everybody quick to you, Bob?”
This effing slayed me. Jesus, Dutch is great on commentary. Excellent smartass heel.
13:26 - First, is Jimmy Golden super tall, or is the ceiling eight feet high? That was a very solid TV match. No one crashed through a damn table, but I liked it.
7.2/10 - First bummer of the night: I looked it up and learned Vladimir Koloff isn’t Russian. I guess I assumed he wasn’t a real Russian, but to know his name is Carl was a sobering moment.
Jimmy Golden, Ivan Koloff & Vladimir Koloff Promo
14:08 - Jimmy Golden also wants to “let you let him tell you something.” I need a counter. Other than that, it was the cliche promo you would expect from two “Russians” and a guy from Bucksnort, Tennessee.
Bob Armstrong / Ron Wright Promo
19:30 - It’s early, but I am here for all things Ron Wright and Bob Armstrong. I have to admit, I spent the majority of their promo looking at Bob Armstrong's face. I heard the story of how he accidentally dropped a barbell on his face parts and how it “flattened” things out. He looked kind of normal to me.
As for Ron Wright, you can tell this guy was a heat magnet in his day. Hell, you see it in this video. I like how the promo laid out the history between the two and the lack of trust. It’s simple but effective. Doesn’t seem that hard, no?
Dirty White Boy vs. Rikki Nelson
21:00 - Dirty White Boy looks as though he was gathered from the local tavern with a pint glass of Busch Light in his hand. But those drunk bar guys are always tough, or crazy, or both.
Was Rikki Nelson meant to be a play on the singer from the 1960s? Bold choice. Turns out his name is Rick Nelson, so I guess he gets to claim it too. Also, my timestamps aren’t exact. I will get there.
23:00 - Jesus, T.L. Hopper was a terrible gimmick for The Dirty White Boy. You have to imagine that any gimmick after being a goddamn plumber was an immediate yes from him.
Wait, just realized this was before T.L. Hopper.
Even sadder. If only we could have warned him.
Ron Wright / Dirty White Boy Promo
25:13 - Ron Wright too wants to “let you let him tell you something.” I think I am at seven just over the halfway point. Do they have a quota to meet? Was it like calling someone “dude”? Or the modern overuse of “like”?
I’m no longer annoyed and am now utterly fascinated.
The Dirty White Boy is also a very good promo. Thoughts and prayers to Mr. Wright and his much-needed surgeries.
Hollywood Bob Holly Promo
27:02 - No need to listen to this promo, but it’s worth pausing to glare at the most 90s attire known to history.
Mullet? Yes.
Neon pink? For sure.
Inside sunglasses? Bet your ass.
Skinny gold chain? Naturally.
Jerry Lynn vs. Killer Kyle
28:09 - I’m unfamiliar with Killer Kyle, outside of Cornette referencing him on shoot interviews and podcasts. I see the Big Bubba Rogers influence.
Side note: Big Bubba/Big Boss Man is another guy I didn’t appreciate until much later in my life. That has nothing to do with this match.
Terry “Bam Bam” Gordy Promo
32:34 - This is excellent. Man, how good was Terry Gordy? It’s been too long since I’ve watched a classic Freebirds match, the ones without Jimmy Garvin, obviously.
As the promo ended, I looked up an interview with Bam Bam after the stroke in 1993, and it put a serious harsh on this buzz.
Rip Rogers vs. Tim Horner Promo and Match
34:40 - Tons of talent on display here, and Tim Horner.
I was aware of Rip Rogers as a trainer and knew he wrestled, but the dude has tons of charisma and can go. As for Horner, do you think he knows that the camera is on? The least believable part of this is Tim Horner having $500 cash.
A quick wiki visit to Rip Rogers’ page shows he never worked for WWE, which is surprising. Maybe Ohio Valley Wrestling counts?
It’s difficult to pick one Dutch Mantell moment on commentary, but he goes hard in the paint on an old woman in the crowd: “Some of these women are so ugly, they couldn’t even make the biker magazines!”
This was another lovely TV match. I realized I was overusing “good” and broke out the thesaurus. I am trying lovely on for size here.
I’d be accurately accused of kissing Jim Cornette’s ass, but he deserves tons of credit for bringing in talented guys to a relatively small wrestling promotion. Also, as fun as it is to shit on Tim Horner, he’s not a bad wrestler.
With that said, he won this match with the emotion of a frisbee.
End of Episode Promo: Jim Cornette / Bob Armstrong
47:10 - Cornette briefly appears to say he will reveal his “mystery team” next week. Fun cliffhanger for the next episode. And if that wasn’t enough, another Jimmy Golden/Koloffs match.
Overall: 7.5/10
This was a good episode of classic wrestling. Solid matches, some cringe promos, and storytelling that made sense.
Thanks for letting me let you let me tell you something.